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Depression: Slipping in and out of it

Updated: Mar 14, 2020

There is absolutely, 100 percent, a light at the end of the tunnel for anyone who stutters. - Emily Blunt

Depression is no fun!

I began suffering from depression and anxiety when I entered high school. Since then, I've suffered through either long periods or just bouts of depression. Currently, depression comes and goes in bouts. :(

Yesterday, was a SEVERE day of depression. I believe it just built up over the past week, but I was too busy with work to notice the signs.

I wasn't sleeping enough. I couldn't fall asleep because my mind kept racing at night. Even with my nightly medication...ruminating thoughts would not leave me alone and let me be.

I also wasn't eating enough. I maybe would eat one solid meal during the day. There wasn't much of an appetite or motivation for me to eat more than that. I usually eat at least 3 solid, nutritious meals a day. I plan and cook my meals each morning. But I haven't had the motivation to cook a thing.

There was no motivation to get out of bed yesterday morning, either. I didn't want to open the blinds because the light was too much for my eyes.

I was just sad; believing I was lost with no purpose or direction. Life was gray and I felt numb. And of course, I cried. It was just a bad day for me.

Today, I woke up to the sound of pouring rain. I tried to go back to sleep, but couldn't. So, I started tweaking this website. It was the only motivation I had. Drowning myself in work seems to be my escape.

After a few hours, I slowly got up. I made a Cesar salad, face-timed my parents, put on some worship music, and made plans to see my friends.

By the time I decided to shower, I felt the sadness slowly slip away.

My normal self was coming back. This bout of depression was coming to an end.

Takeaways: Allow yourself to go through the pain, and know things will be okay even if it doesn't seem so.

Make yourself do things that you don't feel like doing. Even when it hurts. Start with baby steps like getting out of bed.

One step at a time and when you're ready... Take a shower. Make a meal. Phone your loved ones. Do something you would do as if you were your normal you.

Eventually, accomplishing these little things will lead you back to the person the depression took away from you.

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